CACKLING HENS, PT 1

For the last 2 years, I've been on a new company project. The project is great, except for where I sit. I know of 3 people on my FB that have experienced the ultimate doom... the Cackling Hens. What are Cackling Hens? Well, as my project engineer so delicately put it, "Those f*cking hens do nothing but gossip all day long and have nothing better to do but stick together and disrupt other people." Lo and behold, I sit next a set of Hens. Everyday, and I really do mean everyday, they get together anywhere from 10-45 minutes to discuss... nothing.

What type of people are these Hens? My versions are late 40's to early 50's Caucasian females. I can't tell if they're married because the fat rolls on their fingers are covering up any potential rings. They are all plus sizes, love to eat, smaller torsos with gigantic bottoms, and somehow are higher up in the food chain. When they rant, they generally like everyone within a 30 ft radius to know what they're discussing. Here is an excerpt from today. Notice their skill in transitioning from one topic to another...

... I've always liked cheddar cheese the best, after string cheese. I use to measure out my portions, you know, back when I was on weight watchers. But, I didn't like throwing out all of my trash because, you know, I'm on this green thing. I try not to throw anything away.

One day my mechanic came by to fix my washing machine. I left the house to do some errands. When I came home, he threw all of my trash away, including my bottles! I was so mad.. I wanted to recycle everything. I couldn't believe it. My sister tried to throw away her recyclables as well, but I wouldn't let her. I even got her to rinse out her bottles. I read somewhere that you need to wash the recyclables to keep the bugs out of it. I don't know enough about the process, but it helps keep the trash clean. I went grocery shopping with my mom. My mom was taking a plastic bags for the vegetables, I yelled at her saying "mom, that's not recyclable".

When i visited my friend in sunnyvale, she couldn't recycle cereal boxes. They only took newspapers, glass. She was always so proud that sunnyvale recycled everything before anyeone else. Now they're doing phone books, etc. I think it had something to do with the glue, making it unrecyclable.

Calculus hasn't changed in years. Amazon has this thing where sellers can resell used books. I've ordered some of these books, and they're really good! There are some things like geography, that you might be iffy. I had my dad's old geology book, it was interesting but i didn't believe it because they come up with new stuff on plate tectonics. That's why they don't use encyclopedias! I was shocked, looking at encyclopedias that were a year old, and stuff was outdated! Britannica funds studies to compare their sources with wikipedia and they're still winning, but wiki is getting closer. One thing you have to be careful of is people writing autobiographies or changing other people's profiles, especially political rivals and celebrities. Okay, whew! gotta go..

Seriously? How the hell did we start from Cheddar cheese, to weight watchers, to recycling, to calculus/geology books, to wikipedia?? Holy beans, that's amazing... Ya, ladies and gentlemen. That is what C, S, L, and I have had to endure every day. On those longer stints lasting 45 minutes or more, we would just put our headphones on or sit on the company chat system making fun of their ridiculous comments. It's one thing to have sporadic conversations far and few in between, but every freakin' day? C'mon... Maybe I'll make a series out of this.

Semper Fi